The "Mad Men" Premiere's 5 Most Fabulous -- and Gay -- Moments

Mad Men is back, darlings. And it did not hold back on the boardroom sass, 1966 eye candy, or fiery fashion. Here are the five fabbest moments from last night's 120-minute premiere.

1. Megan Draper's Barbara Feldon/Marlo Thomas cred is through the roof.

Work that hemline, Megan! Dance like no one is watching/flinching!

We knew three things about Don's secretary-turned-fiancee Megan at the end of season four: 1) She's unassuming, 2) she's nurturing, and 3) she has fine bone structure. And congrats to the lovely lady on those counts! But last night's premiere served as a full tutorial of Megan's character, as we learned about her confrontational streak (in both her resistance to Don's constant advances and her blow-up at Peggy), her elementary understanding of her husband (How ill-conceived was that surprise party?), and her fragility too. Luckily, her birthday fete for the clinically un-ostentatious Don gave us a major gift: THIS MEGA-MAGNIFIQUE HAIRDO ET DRESS. Sure, Megan cooed "Zou Bisou Bisou" and sashayed like a drunk pony to Don's bewilderment, but she also looked so damn good. And you can't take that away from her.

I keep wanting to call Megan's getup here a Marlo Thomas/Barbara Feldon hybrid, but I know there's a better comparison. Parker Posey as Mrs. Robinson? Genevieve Bujold as a saucy acid-dropper on Dragnet? Help me out here, commenters. Because we can't move on until Megan's accordion sleeves and bejeweled neckline are properly classified.

2. A drop-dead smashing homosexual is running Don's surprise party.

Though Harry derided him as "queer," this man -- who told everyone to quiet down for Don's arrival at the party -- is about the most ferocious thing I've seen since Jane Fonda in They Shoot Horses, Don't They?. First: He's an aristocrat. Second: He's a wrist-y cat. (LOOK AT THOSE WRISTS.) Third: His perfectly fitted, goldenrod-colored shirt matches his effing drink! It's like he threw his shirt in a juicer and served it to himself. Please, please make this man a regular, Matthew Weiner. I believe I/we/you deserve it.

3. Pete Campbell embraces his future as a sleazy game show host with a classic Gene Rayburn blazer

If I were a talented MS Paint artist, I'd draw a skinny silver microphone in Pete's hands, because he's clearly ready to host Match Game '74 and annoy Richard Dawson and Fannie Flagg to no end. "Dumb Dora was so dumb...!" Pete seems to yell. ("How dumb was she?!" we holler.) Pete answers, "Dumb Dora was so dumb, she doesn't realize I'm an infantile, overreactive BLANK!" God, Pete. So watchably stupid. So compellingly lame. So... on his way toward redemption? Maybe. Anyway, costumer Janie Bryant must be having the time of her life, because Pete is looking SO NATTY at Don's party. Naturally, his wife Trudy (the luminous Alison Brie!) is playing the part of an aspiring oldster. She looks like Ingrid Bergman at the '75 Academy Awards. Careful with your florals, dear.

4. Joan plows the doors of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce like a bumbling character actress

New mother and harried loner Joan strutted back into her office with a baby carriage in tow, hoping to establish her presence and claim back the job she fears she's losing. While Joan took us on an emotional journey last episode, even crying in front of Lane Pryce, her finest moment was her flawed entrance at reception. Like Carol Burnett or Ruth Buzzi hobbling around while a live audience cackles, Joan stumbled into the office while dragging her carriage and forcing the heavy door open. Though she'd soon reclaim her corporate fiefdom, she showed us distinct fallibility as her replacement receptionist cluelessly ignored her. I vote for more Laugh-In entrances in the future.

5. Roger Sterling's wife Jane is our new one-stop shop for emasculating one-liners

I'm expecting big things from Roger Sterling and his picturesque young bride Jane this season. We spent all of last episode hating Roger because he flirted with secretaries, bossed around underlings, and couldn't even land a decent joke. Classic depressing Roger. Thankfully, Jane upended her husband's douche streak with with a killer rejoinder at Don's party. Said Roger, motioning at the slinky, dancing Megan Draper: "Why don't you sing like that?" Jane replied. "Why don't you look like him?"

BAM. Castrated and silenced with just six simple words. I hope you get a good arc this season, Jane -- one where you get to be funny, fresh, and pile up your hair like waffles every episode.

Did I miss anything fab? Please post any/all unforgettable screenshots below.

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