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10 Things That Are Definitely, 100% Bisexual Culture

Back on my bi bullshit.

As a person whose livelihood requires me to be on the internet, I occasionally get swept up in the firestorm of whining and opining that is Twitter dot com. Maybe you've heard of it? Perhaps you even follow me, a consummate professional whose cover photo is absolutely not a Queer Eye screengrab?

If not, don't fret; you're not missing much. In my four-ish years as an active Twitter user, I've only had one tweet that has reached anything close to relevancy. It was a checklist of things every card-carrying bisexual should have at all times:

Because I'm a caricature of myself, I've decided to elaborate on my 15 minutes of fame said list. Enjoy.

Brendon Urie of Panic! At the Disco

Alberto Pezzali/NurPhoto via Getty Images

Brendon Urie of the American rock band Panic! at the Disco performs on stage at The O2 Arena in London on March 29, 2019. (Photo by Alberto Pezzali/NurPhoto via Getty Images)

I'm cheating a bit here since I mentioned my enduring pop-punk phase in the original tweet, but Brendon Urie, Pansexual Icon of My Heart, deserves a bullet point all his own. Did the Panic! frontman singlehandedly invent sexual fluidity? No, but don't tell his stans that (and please, do yourself a favor and give "Girls/Girls/Boys" a listen.)

Magic

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Magnus Bane from Shadowhunters and The Mortal Instruments? Ambrose Spellman (who's pansexual, but humor me) from The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina? Klaus Hargreeves from The Umbrella Academy? Do I need to spell it out for you mere mortals?! Magic is bi culture, confirmed.

Cuffed jeans (and exposed ankles) at inappropriate times

Because sub-zero temps and a 10% possibility of precipitation is definitely the ideal time for short socks and ankle boots.

Hating yourself for inexplicably being attracted to men

This is the ultimate form of solidarity between bisexual men, women, and non-binary folks, because if there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that men are trash.

A tough exterior (to hide those messy feelings)

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Yes, your therapist is right: No amount of facial piercings, badass tattoos, or self-deprecating jokes can actually rid you of your anxieties or force you to confront your demons. But damn if it isn't worth a shot.

Questionable taste in outwear

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Are you perpetually cosplaying as a die-hard skier in the Swiss Alps? Do you have a closet full of leather outwear you can't totally justify owning? Do you occasionally layer jackets upon jackets upon jackets? I hate to break it to you, my friend, but you might be bisexual.

Panicking

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Meet Bisexual Panic, the lesser-known but equally devastating counterpart to Gay Fear.

Feeling perpetually misunderstood by all audiences

Too real?

Two words: Power. Suits.

Theo Wargo/Getty Images

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - DECEMBER 06: Janelle Monáe attends Billboard's 13th Annual Women In Music Event at Pier 36 on December 06, 2018 in New York City. (Photo by Theo Wargo/Getty Images)

It's been scientifically proven that every human on the face of the Earth absolutely slays in a well-tailored power suit. Need evidence? Examples here, here, and here.

The Bisexual Bob™

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For all my fellow bi gals and non-binary pals, may I introduce you to the bisexual bob. I didn't coin the phrase, nor did I originate or even sport the haircut, but Riese Bernard penned an epic piece for Autostraddle breaking down the haircut's origins.