Whether we like it or not, Cats is happening. And it's happening fast. In what's sure to greatly improve the film's already dubious quality, director Tom Hooper is reportedly "racing through Thanksgiving" to get a version of Cats ready in time to submit it to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.
Cats wasn't supposed to be eligible to compete this awards season because, ostensibly, it wasn't done yet, but who are we actually kidding here?
But, y'know, whatever Universal needs to tell itself. Shot last winter, Cats cost the studio a pretty $100 million to make, and that's not even including marketing. All that creepy and inexplicable digital fur technology don't come cheap. Despite evidence to the contrary.
A Christmas release would make sense because people are generally in a more forgiving mood, so the movie is now scheduled to come out against (yet another) entry in the Star Wars franchise on December 20. Good luck with that, sis.
But actually, in the Venn diagram of Star Wars versus Cats fans there's probably very little overlap. God bless those overlappers, though, who have to make that Sophie's choice come Christmas morning.
Regardless of how surprisingly good or terrifyingly bad Cats is, or how it performs at the box office, the HFPA will probably still nominate it a bunch of times. After all, this is the august body that tried to convince us that The Martian was a comedy, that Madonna's "Masterpiece" from her W.E. was good, and that Brangelina's divorce project By the Sea was a movie.
Cats has everything the HFPA loves—namely, stars. Nominating it would guarantee that all the marquee names show up to the ceremony, get drunk, and have a good time, which is all the Golden Globes ever wants. And that's fine. So what, who cares, throw in Jennifer Hudson singing "Memory," and call it a night.
Of course, now we have the Globes to blame for sicking Cats on us earlier than planned. Let's just hope that Dame Judi Dench gets wrecked and sucker-punches Rebel Wilson while Idris Elba makes out with Sir Ian McKellen.