"Being Human" Season Two: Gay Vampires, Bad Boyfriends and Good Bromances

George stayed human, and therefor not naked, for two episodes.

It should go without

saying that there are spoilers here, so folks shouldn’t

read this if they don’t want to be spoiled. For that same reason, in

your comments

we ask that you keep spoilers out of the headlines.

We start with a Mitchell

flashback to New Year’s Eve 1999 with Mitchell tied to a chair in a room. Maybe this is some English New Year's Eve custom us Yanks don't get? Another Boxing Day?

Anyway, a handsome debonair vampire is kneeling in front of Mitch. It turns out they’re friends, and the vamp is going to

help Mitchell give up the blood. I guess this must be one of Mitchell's New Year's Resolutions: Finally read some Jane Austen. Stop watching so much reality telly. Lay off the crisps. Stop killing and draining humans of blood. The usual.

Did I mention the vampire is gay and has a human

companion who brings him champagne? Or that Mitchell is made to apologize like

a little boy when he threatens to rip out the human’s throat? And here I thought all English were ridiculously polite.

MITCHELL: But I'm hungry!

GAY VAMP: So don't give up crisps this year.

Jumping back to the present, Annie is enjoying

her new job, or I should say she’s mostly enjoying chatting with Saul, who’s too good to be true. Unless you’re her boss Hugh, who doesn’t mind her not working,

but does mind that she’s not snogging him. Um, sexual harassment!

If he only knew the guy she was

snogging had once been metabolically challenged and was now taking instructions on

romance from television announcers. He should at least turn off the

bar telly to level the field.

Back at the hospital, Mitchell continues to flirt with the Lucy the Doctor by talking

about vomit and poo. This is why so many shows are set in hospitals. Talk about hot!

As Mitch and Lucy get out of the elevator, they see the cops have brought in a

body. It's a body Mitchell recognizes, as he does the puncture marks on the neck. Hmm, perhaps this will be important.

Everyone in this picture is seeing something different.

The cop tells Lucy the Doctor they also found two tickets for Sister Act in the dead guy's apartment so he's clearly a 'mo. Seriously,

this is the cop talking to the doctor. When she mentions the body has no blood,

they go with “gay vampire” and she busts out my favorite line of the ep: “Mince of


Mitchell later tries to tell George

about Carl, the vampire from the

opening flashback, and how Mitchell once lived with Carl who helped him

give up blood. But instead of worrying about the dead body part, George is hurt that Mitchell has lived with people before


This why George is so adorkable and it turns into one of those new couples conversations, except instead of “How

many women have you slept with?” it’s “How many people have you lived with?”

The bromances on Scrubs

and Better Off Ted just got destroyed

by these two.

So not the point, George.

It turns out the dead body in the hospital is Dan, the human lover of Carl. Mitchell doesn't realize that with the vampire king dead (whom that George killed), the coroner hasn't been getting his bribes and therefore is no longer covering things up for the vamps. Mitchell should be more worried about that and less concerned that the original vampire vegan is having human

tartare again, and his lover at that.

Sad Vampires remind me of Twilight. Stop being sad, Dan.

Who should turn up on our favorite supernatural trio’s doorstep but Carl, heartbroken over what he’s

done. He doesn't even know how it happened, but after years of not feeding The Hunger returned and like a vegetarian lured into Outback Steakhouse, Carl was simply forced to turn Dan into his personal lunchable. Sucks that.

Afterward, Carl had called the cops to fetch Dan out of the apartment, because having killed and drained his lover, he

still didn’t want him to be alone. Um, okay. I guess that's true love. It’s oddly touching, if a little illogical for a 200

year –old killing machine.

Lucy the Doctor and Mitchell discuss Dead Dan although Mitch doesn't mention he knows who killed him. Doc's main suspect is Gay Vampire Man and with the coroner and the police not covering it up like

they did last season, Mitchell now has

to get political. Alas, the coroner isn’t going to play ball anymore.

Annie and Saul go on a date instead of just hanging at the pub torturing Hugh. Afterward, Saul attempts to molest Annie,

but she just poofs away while the TV eggs him on in a voice only he can hear. The TV isn’t pleased, and suggests he get

completely blitzed on whiskey and go for a drive. See, your mother was right -- too much TV is really bad for you.

One day, the TV will look back at us.

Mitchell is a little stressed at trying to cover up the Mince of Darkness killing, as well as the prospect of covering up Annie’s state of aliveness.

Also, Carl has gone for a walk, which can’t be good and the Mitch/George odd couple bromance

continues when George says “He’s your murdering fugitive. If you want to keep

him, you have to look after him.”

Mitchell goes out looking for Carl and finds him back at his apartment where he had gone to retrieve pictures of Dan. Its a good thing it isn't Carl who died because Dan wouldn’t have have any pictures of Carl what with the whole vampires not showing up on film thing. I guess he'd just have to settle for one of those caricature portraits you get on the boardwalk in Brighton.

The only romantic relationship is the gay guys.

Mitchell explains the situation with the police to Dan and they decide to

take action by faking Dan committing suicide by overdose. Since Carl’s undead anyway, its pretty easy to fake. He just has to lie there and not blink.

The scene is beautifully tragic in the way its shot with the naked Carl standing in the morgue looking down on his dead lover's body as he sobs. It's actually very touching.

The rear view was breathtaking, but distracted from the moment.

After a suitable period of morgue mourning, Mitch helps sneak the immortal Carl

out of the morgue, past security cameras on which they don’t show up. They then smuggle Carl out on a merchant ship using Ivan, the vamp that attacked Mitchell and George. I guess Ivan’s a real friend, because

he’ll help you move a dead body, at least one that’s ambulatory.

Meanwhile, after they telly egged him on, Saul scores a massive DUI and is in the

hospital with Annie at his side. Oops, looks like Saul is dead! Suddenly a door with beautiful woodwork appears and you know right away it's really different from the bland hospital doors.

In fact, this is a door to the other side and Saul gets up and tries to manhandle Annie through it and to the other side because the TV man

and the ghosts are actually the bureaucrats of death, mad Annie wouldn’t

cross over when she was murdered. Everything in it's place, to quote Mary Poppins!

After an epic fight, Saul ginally goes through the door himself to save her. On a down note, she’s again invisible. Bummer.

Saul has been a bad boyfriend.

The episode ends with Nina leaving George because she can't handle that she's now a werewolf. I hope she has her license, or the dog catcher will get her.

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