This Week's Most Devastating "Pose" Reads: "What Would Candy Do?" Edition

The shadiest shade and most scorching burns from Season 2, Episode 5.

The Pose “Reading Is Fundamental” Library is open. This week: “What Would Candy Do?”

Previously: “Never Knew Love Like This Before

Ugh, we forgot how much we missed Damon and Ricky—the iconic gay black couple television needs and deserves. After some heavy episodes, we got a little romance rekindling as the pair vied to become dancers on Madonna's Blond Ambition Tour. Cue some sexy dance sequences featuring Ricky in spandex and low-cut tops.

Now that they're in different houses, Damon and Ricky experience different kinds of mothering. The House of Evangelista is supportive, and Blanca wants the best for her son, which means consulting with Damon's fabulous dance teacher Helena before going to the audition. He can't just throw away his scholarship when he's only one semester away from graduation!

The House of Wintour… well, let's just say Elektra isn't the most compassionate mother. She makes Joan Mommie Dearest Crawford look like June Motherfucking Cleaver. That leads us to this week's Reading Is Fundamental Excellence in Shade Award. Once again, the winner is Elektra Wintour (formerly Abundance Evangelista Ferocity), who reminds her children, with a knowing swipe at the far more maternal Blanca, "I won't coddle you, I don't nurture, and I'll never deliver inspiring pep talks that end in hugs." She will, however, deliver a stack of cash so that her kids can give Ricky a makeover.

Because nothing says "love" like the gentle caress of crisp Benjies against your face.

And what a face.

While Ricky is prepping his mug, Lil Papi helps Damon build up his guns.

Mmmm. There's a lot to love in this episode, which takes its title from the question Elektra asks herself when she wants to make sure that Ricky gets the coveted spot dancing for her future BFF Madonna. What would Candy do? Why, break an appendage, of course! Elektra tries to force her kids to use the dearly departed's trusted hammer to injure Damon's foot, leaving the path open to Ricky's ambitious Blond glory.

When Blanca gets wind of this—thanks to a guilty Wintour cub—she confronts Elektra and demands the hammer as well as the safety of her (favorite) child. Like, Damon is totally her favorite, right? Like all moms who aren't feeling spiteful at the moment, Blanca would say she loves all her kids equally, but we know the truth.

Hopes of Damon and Ricky getting back together seem dashed at the moment, even though those two crazy kids are still in love with each other and Ricky has finally dumped that sloppy jezebel from Episode 2 who tried to come between them and succeeded. Turns out, Damon just wants to be friends and is focused on his first love: the dance.

Sadly, neither he nor Ricky get the gig with Madonna, but they're both winners in the ballroom, where they vogue their feelings out in the category "Butch Queen Vogue Femme."

That's right.

Let's keep it light in the loafers, fellas! Ricky starts out strong, sashaying and shantéing for the kids…

…And serving up his rack for the gods…

Damon might be an Evangelista, but he strikes like a Ninja…

…And ends up winning the category, in part thanks to this gorgeous lavender lace pant…

But he ultimately concedes that Ricky was the better butch queen. Because friendship!


Angel and Lil Papi need to get their shit together.

The House of Wintour kids are kinda evil but still really adorable.

Speaking of evil, it's really impressive/disturbing the amount of chicanery and tomfoolery we get from Elektra that Blanca lets slide on a regular basis.

But that is, after all, what family is all about.

The Library is now closed.

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