Why I Miss Chubby Chris Pratt From "Parks And Recreation"

In honor of Parks and Recreation’s series finale tonight, and lovable Andy Dwyer, there’s something I wanted to address: I miss chubby Chris Pratt.

Sure new buff Chris Pratt is great with his six pack and all, but I really miss adorable, relatable plump Pratt.

Back before he got ripped for Guardians of the Galaxy, Chris was the adorable guy from high school with a little more to love.

But now, he’s the guy at your reunion you’re upset at because he’s hotter than you.

And it’s not just for us, we’re sad for hot Chris Pratt, too: The Pratt we know and love never use a spit bucket when he had to do a shoot with food. Nowadays, Chris can’t even have more than one beer–unless it’s his cheat day.

He used to be so accessible. Hell, even Conan couldn’t resist grabbing a feel of that glorious paunch.

Also, since we're being honest, chubz Pratt was way funnier than hot Pratt. We’re not being elitist here, but Chris’ stunt of showing up completely naked for a Parks and Rec scene wouldn’t have been nearly as hilarious if you were distracted by his washboard abdominals.

And we’re not just upset that our fun, portly friend suddenly got hot (and, frankly, out of our league), we’re sad because we miss the cute, fun guy that had a lot of extra energy and was always down to party.

If you wanted to grab food with a buddy, who would it be?

And if you wanted to also, maybe make out with said buddy post-meal, it'd be chubby Chris Pratt, nine times out of ten. Buff Pratt would probably have to go do some crunches.

Fatt Pratt™ was the super chill guy you could completely annihilate a plate of nachos with, and maybe make out with a little bit afterward.

The new and improved Pratt looks great—and we congratulate him on his dedication—but he's just a little too intimidating with all those abs, pecs, delts, etc. This Pratt's idea of pigging out is a flaxseed-dipped banana.

Don’t you kinda just want to hang out with the lovable, slightly-buxom guy that you can share an entire pizza with?

When Fatt Pratt™ got shirtless it was fun and friendly—as opposed to threatening.

We miss our old friend that wanted to split fries and didn’t ask us on a 4am boot camp workout.

So, Chris, when the Parks and Rec crew comes together tonight to celebrate the show's 6-year run, sit back, have a pizza, some nachos and a beer, maybe a tub of ice cream. And don’t let anyone tell you how to be (well, except for maybe us).

You just be your happiest, jolliest, cubbiest self.

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