A bankruptcy lawyer in Grand Rapids, Michigan, has reached out to offer his services to a bigoted auto shop owner in neighboring Grandville.
Brian Klawiter, the anti-gay owner of Dieseltec, became an Internet celebrity earlier this week when he claimed he'd openly refuse to serve gay customers in a rant on his business' Facebook page. In it, he alleged that his "right" to discriminate was being "squashed more and more everyday."
Like the owners of Memories Pizza in Indiana, Klawiter hadn't actually ever experienced a problem with gay customers in the past (or experienced gay customers at all, for that matter). He was offended by the hypothetical thought that he may someday be asked for service by a gay customer.
After his Yelp page was flooded with one-star reviews, Klawiter hired an elderly man to guard his business with a loaded gun, a German Shepard, a can of Mountain Dew and a lit cigarette yesterday:
Bisexual man who tried to egg anti-gay auto shop got more than he bargained for http://t.co/3ICynGgIAf pic.twitter.com/efkpY2Fau2
— MLive (@MLive) April 16, 2015
Though the shop hasn't closed or declared bankruptcy yet, it may soon be in need of legal advice.
That's why Jeffrey Mapes of Mapes Law Offices posted the following open letter to his website Wednesday. "Our slogan is 'Helping Good People through Bad Times' (for this let’s just say 'Helping People through Bad Times') and boy oh boy Dieseltec, you are in for some bad times and will need my help," he wrote.
The full letter reads:
Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Jeffrey Mapes, and I specialize in bankruptcy law — helping individuals and corporations when things go wrong. I noticed your post on Facebook where you decided to alienate most of the general public by stating that you will refuse service to openly homosexual people. This is certainly an unorthodox business strategy, and perhaps it will work for you, but I get the feeling you will need a bankruptcy attorney pretty soon and I wanted to offer my services. Like you, I am white, male, Christian, a business owner, and a gun owner. Unlike you, I provide services to everyone regardless of their sexual orientation because it doesn’t matter to me — I hope this won’t be a deal breaker for you.
If that upsets you, let me tell you a little bit more about our office to try and persuade you, The first thing you will notice is how friendly and compassionate the office staff is. Despite your inane, incoherent and just plain dumb comments, we know that everyone makes mistakes and we want to help you overcome them. They will also be more than willing to help you with some basic grammar that you seem to struggle with.
If you still need more convincing, let me assure you that we will make certain that your bankruptcy petition is filed correctly and there are no errors. You stated in your post that you would incorrectly assemble a vehicle in order to prove a point. I want to let you know that despite the fact that I would love to prove a point to you about tolerance, I won’t compromise my standards of quality to do so. After all, I have to look in the mirror at the end of the day and if I didn’t do my best for everyone, I would have trouble sleeping. Perhaps you could give me pointers on how you sleep at night?
Just a few other housekeeping items. While I certainly don’t encourage people to bring guns into my office, so long as you have the proper permit and handle it responsibly, you can bring your gun along. I would only ask that you refrain from menacingly stroking your weapon while you quietly sing David Allen Coe songs to yourself. I also think you have a deep and fundamental misunderstanding of the first amendment and how it works, but that is a long discussion and we should save that for when we meet in person.
Well Dieseltec, I hope I’ve convinced you that Mapes Law Offices is the right place for you to file your bankruptcy. I would like to leave you with some words of inspiration from the dramatic film Billy Madison and I hope that you will take them to heart:
“What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
Jeffrey D. Mapes
Klawiter, who probably only made his declaration in search of a massive payout, isn't on the receiving end of a GoFundMe campaign. Yet.