Apparently there was a football game happening before and after Jennifer Lopez and Shakira snatched what's left of America's hairline. But while the Latina divas provided some much-needed glamour to the Super Bowl, the real stars of their halftime show were J.Lo's backup dancers.

They were serving Middle America some lewks. Now we all know J.Lo does not sleep on her fashion. Name a bigger style icon of the past 20 years who's not Rihanna. Exactly. So clearly she was going to bring couture to the Bowl, and mom did not disappoint.

However, as soon as her dancers strolled onto that stage wearing skirts and opera gloves, I stood up on a table, Norma Rae–style, and cheered:

Then they all came out in Versace harnesses…

…and I had to excuse myself for several minutes.

Meanwhile, J.Lo's pole work was a big fuck-you to the Academy, and a reminder of what they're missing.

Along with the rainbow wave of commercials this time around, not to mention J.Lo's dragtastic tearaway moment…

…it was the gayest Super Bowl I've seen since, oh, who am I kidding, I don't watch the Super Bowl. Regardless, if you want to gag some more on this fabulous halftime show, check it out below: